If  You Never Had Sunkist Fruit Gems Thrown At Your Face, Did You Even Have A Bar Mitzvah?, The Takeout, May 12, 2021 

​Bamba, Israel's Greatest Snack Food, May Save Us All, The Takeout, January 6, 2021

At The Traveler Restaurant, It's Totally Okay To Read While You Eat, The Takeout, November 9, 2020

An Airplane, An Empty Highway, And A Pissed-Off Old Lady: Remembering “405,” The First Viral Video, The A.V. Club, June 1, 2020 

How 'Am I The Asshole' Became The Internet's Most Profound Query, The Daily Dot, August 9, 2019

The Secret Sauce in Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg’s Cooking Show? Friend Goals, The Daily Dot, April 3, 2019

How 'The Challenge' Leveraged Social Media And Went GlobalThe Daily Dot​, February 7, 2019 

Bring Back Fondue Dinner Parties, The Most Maligned Of Cheese ExperiencesThe Takeout, January 19, 2019 
Peeled Carrot Cake is a Delicious MistakeThe Takeout, July  26, 2018
​The Fried-Cheese Burger is a Marvel of Flavor and ArchitectureThe Takeout,  May 8, 2018 
​Am I the Only One Still Collecting Red Rose Tea Figurines?The Takeout, May 2, 2018 
How a Frozen Pizza Brand Became Norway's Unofficial National DishAtlas Obscura, April 17, 2018
Who's Perverting Their Beer With a Pickle Spear?The Takeout, December 7, 2017

​Reconsidering Gefilte Fish, the Sausage of the SeaThe A.V. Club, September 21, 2017

I Spent the Day With a Superager, Dose, September 8, 2017

Welcome to Nauru, the Most Corrupt Country You've Never Heard OfDose, April 18, 2017​

​​​Why the Montreal Bagel is the Superior Bagel,The A.V. Club, April 13, 2017

We Visited a Travel Agency to See How They're Still In Business, Dose, March 29, 2017 

​​​How Bar Staff Around the World is Rewriting Rape Culture, Dose, November 22, 2016 

'Good Girls Revolt' and the History of the Talking Circle,Dose, November 10, 2016

How Much Money Women Are Losing By Not Investing, Dose, October 31, 2016

other stuff | selected clips 

Comedy. Writer. Comedy writer.  


The Four Questions, Modified For Another Passover In Quarantine, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, March 26, 2021​

Genetics™, The Hot, New, 75-Step Skin Care Regimen, Two Fifty One, December 20, 2020

I'm The Guy Setting Off Fireworks Every Night In Your Neighborhood, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, June 22, 2020  

Your Mother Leads A Guided Meditation, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, May 8, 2020

Thanks For Selecting Our Airbnb, P.S. It's Haunted, Weekly Humorist, October 23, 2019 

Welcome To The Tenth Circle Of Hell: The Dance Circle, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, October 18, 2019

Federal Sentencing Guidelines For Billionaires, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, July 11, 2019 

To The Class Of 2019: I Am A Self-Made Man, The American Bystander, June 2019

Supervillains React To Betsy DeVos's Proposal To Gut Funding For The Special Olympics, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, March 28, 2019

I Want A President I Can Drink A Beer With, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, March 14, 2019

It's Time To Take Up Arms In The War Against Toxic Masculinity, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, January 15, 2019  

Now That I've Finished Burning Down Your Village, It's Time For Us To Heal, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, November 7, 2018 

Thank You For Participating In America's Annual Voter PurgeMcSweeney's Internet Tendency, October 31, 2018

The Corporate Jargon Decoder, The Muse, August 24, 2018 

Mission: Impossible - Everyday Tasks, Medium, August 21, 2018

Order Of Snackcession, The Belladonna Comedy, June 8, 2018

These Aren't Just Any Motherfucking Snakes On This Motherfucking Plane, The Belladonna Comedy, February 23, 2018

"Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me!" NPR Guest Writer, January 20, 2018

Motivational Quotes For Realistic People, Medium, November 5, 2016 

An Honest Accounting of My Billable Hours, Medium, April 8, 2016

Overdue Baby Really Milking This Entrance, Reductress, April 8, 2016

​​​A Plea For Menstruation Without Taxation, The Huffington Post, April 7, 2016
Netflix's New Parental-Leave Policy Is Bullcrap For The Childless, RedEye Chicago,  August 10, 2015

Smug Bitch Has Already Finished All Of Her Holiday Shopping, Reductress, October 21, 2014

Woman Does Not Feel Good About Her Outfit Choice Today, Reductress, June 21, 2014

Woman Who Died Alone In Cubicle Left Behind Amazing Candy Drawer, Reductress, June 10, 2014

​Mary Poppins: A Job Review​, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, August 10, 2011

An Open Letter To Pumpkin-Flavored Seasonal Treats, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, November 12, 2010